Chemo #3, day four...

Well, this round was definitely more difficult. I'm not sure if it was due to the different anti-nausea medication that they gave me or not. I had less peaks of nausea but my head felt like it weighed about 30 pounds just by itself. I couldn't even watch all of Zoolander before I had to just go to bed becuase the couch was too uncomfortable. Imagine that ?! Seriously, after being three days in bed I was excited that I actually could get out of bed this morning and make some cream of wheat for myself before my friend Jen came over later that morning. I would say this is a so-so day. I'm up but not really feeling myself just yet. Still fuzzy. One of the funnier things is not having the concentration to read, so Jen read me My Utmost for His Highest and Streams in the Desert. It was so good to be reminded to "be still" and know that He is God. You would think that in my condition, I would have no other choice, but my mind races just like everyone else's does and it's a battle for everyone to turn off the noises and cultivate that space for Christ. Then those voices that are clamoring, toying for our attention all fade marvelously away. It was a good reminder, so I pass it on :-)

For the first two days, my dad was here and it was great to have his help. After he left, Glynis came in yesterday to make me a smoothie and also came back in the evening to make some string beans and some toast for dinner. Yes, as Chris Wong would say I'm livin it up with string beans and toast...Oh yeah and I'm really liking grapefruit juice. Weird, but it does the trick so much better than just plain water. I'm going through tons of it. Yummmy.

I really have not felt that great the last few days, but I just keep thinking it's temporary and each day is going to get better, right? And today is, since I'm writing to all of you rather than being in bed sleeping. Suffice it to say that each time seems to be a bit different, and that's the way it is. The next chemo, on 7/12 will be the last one of the adiramycin/cytoxin (the nasty red stuff) that I've been going through the last three times. Then, I'll have about 2 1/2 weeks after that to recover before starting a round of four doses of a different drug, taxtiere, which has different side effects (about the beginning of August). I am told that the taxtiere will be much less severe (ooh that rhymes) I sure hope so. I think that some of the yuk that I feel is probably psychological, too. I mean, your body perhaps expects what it went through the time before, and even though technically each dose is the same, the effect subconciously is different. This is why I keep trying to tell myself that it's temporary (as my friend Karen says). Meanwhile, the BRCA testing is underway but it will take about three weeks to get those results back and we'll discuss those.
Thank you everyone for the cards and letters and phone calls of encouragement. Amy Haven your cards seem to be just so timely and aptly spoken. God is really using you to minister to me through them, so thank you! Thank you also for the CD.


Blessings on everyone!
Still fighting,
Julie

Chemo #3 today, 6/27 - The tumor is shrinking!!

Well, today is going well. I got my finger poked to look at my blood and it was looking good (must be the steak) and then saw the doctor. He examined me and said that the tumor is indeed shrinking which is great news. I wasn't so sure that it had because it seemed like it was sort of the same size as it was prior to the biopsies (with the biopsies, it causes that whole area to bloom up in an inflammatory response to the needle samples that are taken). But he was certain that there was a good reduction in it wo that's fantastic.

I shared that last time the nausea was pretty bad so they put me on a long-acting anti-nausea med that was intravenous and would help instead of the one I was on before which was a pill. So far, so good! I even ate some mashed potatoes for lunch since I was hungry...

I was reading in Exodus 15 this morning where the song of Moses and Miriam is written. It is so great. As I read on, it just jumped out about how blessing comes from obedience and it encouraged me to continue to be obedient, along with Phil 1:27 which comes to mind. Anyway, this is my verse of the day and even the week or year:
Exodus 15:26b "I am the Lord who heals you"

Thank you to everyone that has been helping me: Debbie Collins for coming over and cleaning; Joy for cleaning and for the scarf and for dinner; Joanna for buzzing my hair and not crying while she did it; Chris Wong for being there for me on so many occcasions, not just this one;Karen P and Chris for going with me to get my hair buzzed. James and Sherry for shaving my head, Dave for his electrical expertise, Carla at Gilda's club, The Geyer family for all of their help this year, Karen P for being a sounding board, Skip for his input, Paul Talley for being so supportive from cmputers to Satruday night stuff, Dan for being a shepherd, and The McIntryes for being such wonderful people as to coordinate everything and be such supporters.
I know I've only named a few people here, but there are so many that have helped to lighten the load on this journey for which I am sooo grateful. Thank you!!!
Bless you,
Julie

Monday 6/26, and prayer by the elders

Hi,
Well, yesterday was great since Glynis met me at Home Depot and we finally decided up on and procured the fans for the house with the idea that Dave could perhaps come over during the day on Tuesday to install them while I was being infused with chemo. Later that day, Bev Combs came over to help me come up with a plan to organize my office and it was great. I'm excited about that.

Prayer
I rested in the afternoon and then went to church where the elders prayed for me. That was awesome. Before I went in I started to tear up just hugging Carrie Ingram because of the Lord. It was a Holy Spirit thing. I was actually a little nervous on the way to go to church which sounds funny, but I was. However, it was truly amazing to have all of these men of God around me praying for me. Pastor Bob anointed me with oil and several prayed out loud. I was really moved not only that they wanted to pray for me, but even so at the appreciation that they showed to me for my service to them. That was truly a gift that unforseen. Sometimes when we're serving God we don't think that anyone really notices or appreciates it, and of course we should just concentrate on pleasing God rather than man, but it is nice when someone says that they appreciate you and the service that you believe God has called you to. I love the people at Southwest, and it is without a doubt that I was called there. The only reason I am able to do anything there is becasue of Him and to show Him. How much greater I hope it will be during this time.

After prayer, I went by Glynis to pick up some stuff she got for me from Trader Joe's and went to dinner (steak, of course) with a friend before heagin to the airport to pick up my dad. My dad got in fine, but his flight was delayed and we got home a little late but it was fine. I showed him some things to prep him a bit for the next couple of days. He's in good spirits.

Update from Sun. 6/19 - 6/25 and ceiling fans

Sorry that I haven't posted in a week...

Sunday-Went to church in the am, and in the afternoon, went to see Nacho Libre with a friend. It was okay, but save your $$ and just watch the DVD when it comes out...
Monday- Dave Johnston came over to look at some of my electrical quirks and fix them, and in the course of the conversation we talked about ceiling fans and how it would be really good if I did have them. He graciously offered to put them in for me so I started thinking about it more. That night, I went to the James' house to hang out in the evening with folks and it was a nice time. It was really great to see little Hannah Berg who seems to have her mother's gentle and peaceful diposition, which I just love. I also went to church and did some planning for the video cafe service with Scotty, which was fun. While I was there, I talked to Vonnie Miller and she said that she wanted to help with the ceiling fans which was so great, because they can be expensive. So, I was pretty set to move ahead on that front which was great. Physically my sleep pattern seems to get really messed up on the non-chemo week and I'm not sure why, but crazy stuff like up from 2:30 until 3:45 but then needing to sleep in the afternoon sometimes. I'm pushing myself now to stay up the whole day or just rest for a shorter time so that I can hopefully sleep through the night.
Tuesday-Went to get my bloodwork done to see how my counts were and they were fine, and I didn't need any additional shots, which was good news. This was the same day that James and Sherry DiBari shaved my head and it was great (btw, that's in a different post). After that, I went to see a friend who is a breast cancer survivor who chose to have a double mastectomy with reconstruction, and she showed me the end product and there really are some good things about it. For one, you never have to wear a bra again and there's a minimal chance of the cancer coming back in the breast tissure becaue it's all gone. the visit with her was great because it made me much less apprehensive if that's something that I'll have to face doing down the line. I still think that I'm probably BRACA negative, which means that I won't have to have other things removed and I can just do lumpectomy with radiation-if I need to. I have one friend that prophecises that I won't have to have surgery becuase it will be all gone. I love his faith and that would be soo cool.
That night a friend took me to a great steak dinner and it was really wonderful. I'm into steak these days...and mashed potatoes, too...
Wednesday-Rested and then had worship rehearsal in the evening with Surrender and Scotty to prepare for Video Cafe on the weekend. It was great to be back together again playing and having a good time. We learned a couple of new songs as well. Roy and David hadn't seen my bald head so that cracked them up. I think I wore my rasta hat to rehearsal. Good times.
Thursday-Did some work with music planning and then went to mexican food and saw the Break Up, which was good.
Friday-Returned phone calls, went to the bank and paid medical bills. Skip Osgood came over and gave me a book that shows you how to decipher your blood work readings and that was helpful. I also rehearsed a little, and Todd and Glynis came over to help me lok at celing fan options and it was so great to have their help! I e-mailed my family to ask them if they wanted to contribute towards them and my granmother really blessed me and said that she would pick up the approximate $500 cost. It was so cool. That really was neat. That night for dinner, Debbie Geyer came over and brought me a steak, salad and mashed potatoes. Chris makes a great steak. She also did some shopping for me which was great, and brought by all of the stuff at the same time as the dinner. Meanwhile, my e-mail had some bugs so Todd was talking on the phone with Paul talley about how to resolve it and it was just fun to have so much going on at the same time.
Saturday-Did some rehearsing in the morning and then brought my keyboard with me to church that night since we had a little more of an acoustic feel that evening. People really seemed to like the format. It was great to have the two Daves: Dave Ramirez playing congas and Dave Morales on bass. I think it really turned out well. It's just neat on Saturday nights because it really seems like there is becoming a sense of community and cameraderie there and that is so cool. Afterwards, went to dinner. Later I discovered that I had a urinary tract infection which kind of scared me because I've never had one before so I didn't know what to look for. Seeing blood in my urine kinda scared me so I called the doctor. I called Glynis and she went to pick up my prescription and some cranberry juice and some pro-biotics. I was so grateful to have her help and to know that I can call the doctor even on Saturday night if I need to. I even found out wher the 24 hour pharmacy was. One funny thing was that I was totally pounding the liquids to the point where I couldn't sleep very long and in one trip actually tripped and fell on the toilet (okay, how is that possible) no, really, I did, so I have this bruise up my backside that i just see and laugh. I really really hurt at the time, but all I could do afterwards was laugh at how funny the whole situation was.
Sunday-Okay, I hardly slept on Saturday night but thank God Video Cafe worship went well. It was funny because each service seemed to have some variables of its own, which they always do, but it was really fun and it seemed like people were really responding, so that's great. That's what it's all about, helping people to worship the Lord. It was really wonderful to see and hug and talk to lots of people and I sure wish that I could have seen more. That's okay, cuz I'll see them next week :-). The wig was a big hit in video cafe as well as the saturday night venue. Fun!

Bloch Aid T-shirts & Blizzards for Bloch

6/17 -Well, unbeknownst to me, Dan talked about my battle with cancer and shared with the group gathered at the Saturday night service that we had these great t-shirts and that they could really bless me by buying all 70 of them up. You know what? They did except for some xl and a few lg sizes. I could hardly believe that I left with about $1500 to put towards medical costs. It was crazy. Wow.
Then, I got a check from school from the proceeds of the shirts sold to staff and various kids and that was another $500. It is such a relief to know that everything is going to be paid for even my cranial prosthesis (new wig)!
That same night at service, Debbi Geyer not only dropped off the money from the shirts at school, but also a box full of change and bills from one of the sixth grade academies at JGMS. Caroline Ruffridge just under took that endeavor and went with it. So, I counted everything out, put the tithe aside from it all, gave my tithe on Sunday and then made the deposit on Monday. The teller cracked up at all of my coins.

Then, I got a card yesterday from Jessica Nettimi, one of my adademy mates at JGMS and she somehow undertook operation blizzard. Again, unbeknownst to me, she somehow arranged to sell Dairy Queen Blizzards at school, with the help of several students in our academy. Enclosed in her card were some GREAT pictures of some students posing with the blizzards. As she said in her card, it is amazing what love they are capable of. It just brought tears to my eyes to read it and to see pictures of them. Also enclosed inteh card was a check from the proceeds, which I'm looking forward to depositing as well. I am so blesssed by everyone's generosity and overwhelmed by it at times. The sense of community is amazing!

The hair is all gone - but behold the wig :-)

My friends James and Sherry DiBari kindly agreed to shave my stubbled head last Tuesday and it was great. After a good report on my bloodwork from the lab, I headed over (ha ha get it, headed) to their house and I entrusted my noggin to them. It felt so good to have all of the sparse stubble just gone. It also made it easier to wear my new wig. I just love it! I found it at this great place in Palm Desert called the Wig-wam. My friend Chris Wong went with me to pick it up and we had so much fun just trying on different colors and types. It's amazing how real they look. It really was a boost to have it. I don't mind wearing scarves and stuff, but the wig just brought out a whole other element. It's kind of a bob, but it's slightly asymmetrical and fuller on one side. It has bangs and it is blonder than I was before. As Paul Talley said, it looks rock star...Right afterward the wig procurement, I went to have lunch with a friend and it was a fun surprise. It was really fun to wear it to Church for worship that Saturday night, and even funner to just take it off and show people my bald head. I also got this really cool rasta hat that has built-in dredlocks that I got from the hat store at the River. That place has great hats. There are more there I want to get as well, but I love wearing the dredlock one becuase it puzzles people. somehow a white girl with freckles just totally belies the dredlock look. Fun!
So, the wig is great. I get a los of complements on it, even from people that don't know that it's actually a wig. Maybe when I do get some hair back I'll grow it out like the wig..Who knows.
After worship that Saturday the 17th the McIntyres invited me to dinner and we went to cheesecake factory and had a great time together. It was so neat to get to know them, and what a great occasion to become friends. That just amazes me. We talked about Jesus and prayed together-and our server was evena Jewish beleiver which was really fun. The way I picked up on it was that she was actually using some yiddish words which you don't hear very often out here. Anyway, it was a great time lauging talking and praying together :-)

Update for 6/16: Buzz cut, Promotion Ceremony for JGMS and more

Hi everyone :-)
The short on the chemo this time:
Well, I'm happy to be feeling better after three days of yuk. I had chemo on Monday and was pretty much incommunicado Tues and Wed. I think it was a little worse this time-the nausea I mean. I also just didn't have the energy those three days at all. I was surprised since my doctor said that the effects should be equivalent. I think there might be some psychological factors that play into the effects being different each time, maybe because on an unconcious level, your body and mind know that it's coming- just hypothesizing of course.
It was good that I wanted to sleep, though. Nothing is worse than being awake and nauseus. Ugh. But...it's over for this round anyway. Yay!!!! The next one is 6/27 and my dad is going to come in for a couple of days for that one. It was really great to have some helpf or those few days as well, just so that I didn't have to think about making anything or cleaning anything. Thank you to Debbi, Summer and Joy as well as Glynis for coordinating, and Todd for taking my brother (aka "house boy") to the airport.

"Hair apparent"
On Tuesday, my hair was really coming out and I decided I needed to do something about it because it was shedding everywhere. So, Wednesday, my friend Chrissy Wong took me to have my haridresser, Joanna (awesome Italian woman from NYC who has done my hair for years and is also a friend) buzz it. I wasn't sure at first if I just wanted to cut it short and let the rest just kind of fall out..but the rate of shedding was such that it was just annoying and had to go. Karen Pendelton met us there and the four of us, plus others in the shop all looked on as my hair went bye-bye. It was somewhat hard because it's a loss, but it's temporary, and thankfully, God graciously made me with a good looking skull. So, GI Jane, here I come...No, really, I'm wearing a scarf at present and will go to look for a wig today for another option. I am liking the scarf thing at the moment because it's comfortable. I don't really feel self-concious about it either, which is great!

Promotion Ceremony for JGMS at LQHS field last night (6/15)
It was amazing. Did I say amazing? Yeah. I'm not sure my words will aptly convey it either. I really wanted to go, so I made sure I had rested enough (yeah, I couldn't even sleep well last night, I had rested so much). It was also my first outing with my new "do."
When I walked into the gym where the kids were being lined up, they started coming up and hugging me, and then I saw my colleagues and we cried a little bit and just hugged with joy. What was amazing was that as I going around hugging kids and trying not to disrupt the whole gym (they line up before they walk out to the field) the kids broke out stomping "We will rock you" it was awesome. Yes, it really was amazing. In response, I just strongly held up my right arm in a fist to show victory and everyone cheered. That broke me. Wow, to know that they were just doing that spontaneously as a show of support...I can sing in front of tons of people, I can speak in front of a crowd and not be nervous, but when the attention is somehow on me personally, it's much harder. Wow.
Then, I saw all of the students with pink wrist bands, which two male students had gone door to door to raise money to buy for the whole academy of students. The fact that they did that on their own was so impressive. I was floored. I just loved being there and having the opportunity to hug lots of kids, and give love away. Mark Hicks, who gave the student address at the ceremony even mentioned me in his speech to the whole crowd-to which I blew many kisses in response. Wow. I just felt so loved. I felt the power of God in me and working through me to show who He is. That is the most wonderful privilege there is in life. Period.
People have been coming up and sharing how they see God in this situation, or in me, and it just blesses me immensely, because I sense it, too, and know htat it is not me, but Christ living in me to show who He is. That is also my prayer-that everyone would see and experience God through this in some way.
A former student, Martin, said he would see me at church this weekend, so I'm going to the high school service on Sunday to see him there. I'm so proud of him for making that decision to go.
The students also put together some albums for me by class period of encouraging notes that my sub, Lisa Fierro put together for me and delivered to my doorstep. I opened them on Thursday morning and was floored. I'm just so amazed at how much love is there. Sometimes being a teacher can be very trying, but now I know that it's worth every travail. Our kids are amazing.
Wow, what a night.
So, after lots and lots of hugs and pictures as well, I finally got home about 2 1/2 hours later, even though the ceremony was only an hour. It was amazing. What a privilege. I'll never forget it.

Blessings to you!
Julie

Update today 6/12 treatment #2

Hi all,
My brother came in yesterday and he's hanging out with me. I've been joking aroud that he's my house slave, but it's for a good cause...He'll be here until tomorrow afternoon.

I saw Dr. Luke today and he was pleased with my progress. I was excited to hear that each treatment should affect me in approximately the same way, which is contrary to what some other people had told me (that it gets worse). So, since I was feeling so much better than expected after the first treatment, I'm excited about what that means for being more functional than not.

We will initiate the BRCA testing next week, and the company actually facilitates acquiring the funding from the laboratory. It will take a few weeks to get the results back and we can discuss further indications then. I don't expect to test positive for the BRCA gene mutation becuase statistically, the majority of those who develop breast cancer are not due to hereditary factors at all.

Dr. Luke brought up an option with the round of chemo that will follow this one. He said that I can either do a dose-dense course with Taxol or do a regular dose course with Taxtiere. The side effects would have a much greater possibility in the former case (dose dense) - 40% possibility, while the latter has little chance of side effects. I'm going to opt for the latter-the once every three weeks with less side effects. Then I can be with people more :-)

I'm doing okay at present, and medication helps. I can't imagine what it would be like without the meds, really.


Just pray that God would use the chemo to shrink the tumors and kill the microscopic cells :-). That's what we want to happen :-)


Thank you all!
Julie

Update for 6/11: More blessings, Gilda's Club, and church last night

The first thing I have to share is the Good News!
I talked to my insurance company and the laboratory that does the genetic testing is covered, so with some help from my doctor and the genetics counselor, I may only have to pay $300 instead of $3000. That is fantastic! Also, I had a bill that came in that was for about $4000 and they hadn't submitted it to the insurance company yet, so that will also be only about $400. So, that's great news.
In addition, a really kind friend has offered to procure a new laptop for me, which just blows me away. So, I've been looking into the right specs and software. The main goal I have is to finally get my computer and keyboard to talk to each other, record, make drum loops, chart in staff notation, etc. I'm very excited about this. Of course, it will give me another project to do with learning all of the ins and outs of the new software, but I'm so excited. For day to day tasks, I can post to the blog from wherever I want to in the house, becuase I'll be wireless, and actually have microsoft word, etc. Not to mention that, thanks to a friend, I now have an Ipod so that for music rehearsals when I want to get fancy using loops live I can just download to that, hopefully (when I figure it out and get better). Also, I'll have my whole library on that and my laptop which will make music planning a whole lot more efficient and effective. Being able to have that technology is HUGE. WOW. I think I have said Wow more frequently during this period of my life than any other. That word just doesn't suffice for the extent of people's kindness to me during this time. I'm so thankful and grateful.

Finally, I know that the Bloch Aid shirts are still selling and I'm so amazed by this. I'm really really going to try to make it to promotion at John Glenn. I want to see the kids. I should be sort of okay by then because I have chemo this Monday.

Gilda's Club
This is a fabulous place of support for people with cancer, their families and even their friends. It is a great facility in Cathedral City that is only 18 months old with meeting and relaxing rooms, a huge nice kitchen area (where theyhold cooling classes), a fantastic kids area called "noogieland"support groups, and of course a community area. They hold classes on all kinds of things from art to tai chi, social activities, and just a really nice place to be. I went to a new member meeting on Saturday based on a suggestion from Karen Pendelton and just felt such peace there. It was amazing. It was also neat to share about my faith in Christ during this time and provide hope to the others that were in that new members class as well. What I love about it, is not only the facility, which is so nice, and the peace, which is amazing, but that their approach is for the whole group of people affected by someone's diagnosis - not just the patient. It really fabulous. I'll let you know when I attend something there.

Church last night/reflections
Dan asked me to share during the worship set about the fact that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was so unsure what to say, which is funny for someone who can be as verbose as I. The challenge was so be parsimonous. I just wanted people to know that I have this incredible joy that comes from Jesus in this time and that makes me so excited because I know that it's from him and it's not me. The joy is further evidence that Jesus lives. Also, even though I have something physical that I am fighting and dealing with, other people have emotional, or family challenges that can be just as devastating as a diagnosis of cancer. BUT, Jesus is the healer, Jehovah Roffe who heals and leaves no scars. I believe that He does this. He has done this in non-physical ways in my life so powerfully. I know that he is waiting for us to just be broken so he can lift us up and show everyone His life by the way that we move and live in Him.
It is so evident to me that this is God-powered time. I just sense the Holy Spirit even as I write this. If you are reading this and you are hurting, I pray that you would know that he can heal all of your hurts. Every soul ache, all of the scorched places, the personal places that the locusts have eaten can be redeemed and restored. I know my Redeemer lives. He lives in me, and he can live in you too and bring such healing and relief on a level that you've never known. In this time I know how big my God is: big enough to handle the problems of every heart. If you don't have a relationship with God and you're reading this, I pray that you would open your heart to Him. He is the healer and He is the God of the Universe, Adonai Echad, Jesus, who can make all things new. That is the miracle of knowing him. Ask him to come into your heart and to take all of you. Don't hold back. He is waiting for you to put down all of the shame and burdens that you have been carrying. He will carry you. Ask him to come in and live in your heart and your soul. You will never regret it. He has changed my life and given me a hope and a future that is beyond reason. Why not ask him to come and live in your heart and forgive you for trying to be righteous on your own? Isn't it tiring to try to live on your own apart from the love and peace and forgiveness of God? Ask him to come and forgive you and heal you. He will, if you are willing.
Also, if you are open to it, let me know if you did ask Jesus to come and live in you. You can give me your phone number and I will call you. I would love to pray for you. I just know that Jesus' love for you, for all of us, is so much more than we could ask or imagine-and I know He loves you.
Lord, bring healing to those reading this post, that they would find rest as they pour out their hurt to you. You are the sustainer of all things, and you are the life, you can breathe life into dry bones and make them live. Please show your love to those reading, restore tenderness in the scorched places, and renew sensitivity where there are callouses of anger to mask the hurt. Lord, I pray for your Holy Spirit to do a mighty incredible inward work in those reading so that they would know You, are the Lord of all. Amen.

I shouldn't be feeling this great on chemo 6/8...Good news!

Okay...
I went to the gym yesterday and was so glad to be able to workout for so long. Of course, I didn't run as long as I usually do, but I rode the bike and did a combination of running and walking along with it for an hour. It was fantastic. So, I went again today, but took it easier, because I'm not sure if I'm overdoing it. I'm just excited to have so much energy and be able to still contribute at church, and stay up with communicating with people. A friend invited me out to dinner last night, too. Honestly, I had no idea I would be feeling this great. I take naps to keep my energy up, but I've been able to function really well, and for this I'm grateful. As long as I feel good, then I can keep working out :-) I think...

I got GREAT news yesterday that my request for catastrophic sick leave was approved for up to 80 days!!! That means that I'll be able to receive my full salary up until about the beginning of December, and if I need more days, I know that I can ask for help from my school colleagues and colleagues throughout the district, and that is just amazing. I'm so grateful. Thank you for all of your prayers.

I could use help, however, with any fundraising ideas you might have since things are coming in and it would be nice to pay them eventually. In addition, the genetic testing that I will do costs about $3000 alone. the results of which will help significantly with surgical decisions that I have to make (surgery will follow chemo in November or so.) If anyone has ideas, please let me know.

My brother is flying in this weekend on Sunday afternoon and he'll stay until Tuesday night, and then fly back. I have another treatment on Monday, so he'll be able to take me there and back and help me during that first two days, as well as take me to get my white cell booster shot on Tuesday morning.

Okay, I just spoke with a counselor from the Luci Curci center at Eisenhower and she told me to basically chill out on the exercise a bit because your body needs all of the strength it can have during chemo. So, that means I can't push it anymore. Oh well. I understand. So, I'll just do more reading (of which now I have several things beckoning me), and it's good for me. I am a little wiped as I write this, but I'll be okay. I just took a short nap and that helped, but I think I did do too much today. Oh well. Now I know.

I'm enjoying the flowers that the Geyer family brought over. They just make me smile :-)
Blessings,
Julie

Visit to John Glenn Middle School Staff 6/6

Okay, so Imagine walking into a room of around 60 people wearing pink shirts that all said "Bloch aid" with a bandaid on it as a logo. I was so overwhelmed with the kindness and the support everyone went out of their way to show me. Wow. And then...they presented me with a basket of items from the Susan B. Komen foundation (of which a significant portion of the purchase goes toward breast cancer research) including: A really great and super soft robe, a blanket, a journal, a CD of songs of hope, a special toiletry bag, all in basket you can use as a cute little hamper. I just thought that was so sweet. It's very humbling. As I told them, I can stand up and talk to people and sing in front of people because for some reason the focus I don't think is on me, it's on the information, or it's on Jesus as I sing, but when people do something that's just for you, it's this vulnerable thing and I was really moved. Thank you to everyone for your support. I feel soo loved by you. Wow.

Results from the Tumor Board 6/5

Well, I spoke with Rick Jervis (PA-C) who is a friend and advocate for me as well as a PA in my family doctor's office. He attended the tumor board meeting where Dr. Luke Dreisbach (my oncologist which means main cancer doctor) submitted my case. The tumor board is sort of a round table discussion of cancer cases, where mine was one of four cases to be reviewed this past week. The general consensus was that they liked what Dr. Luke was doing in terms of the chemotherapy course of treatment. They were very concerned about my inkling to have the surgery done elsewhere because of anything they might possibly have to deal with post-surgery. My response to that, however, is that it's probably easier for the doctors at Eisenhower to just work with each other, maybe they just want more control over the whole treatment process and complications that might arise. I understand that. I've been told that breast surgery isn't that difficult. Nonetheless, I would like a specialist to do the breast surgery, and he (Dr. Wagman) is at City of Hope, a National Cancer Center. I don't fell compelled to change that choice at this point.
One interesting development was the suggestion to test for the BRCA gene mutation, since if I were to test positive for this, it would indicate that I might develop other cancers in the future (based on correlational studies only). There is a significant connection between breast cancer and ovarian cancer. In women whose pedigree (funny to talk about for humans, huh, but that the term they use...) is of Ashkenazi Jewish descent, 1 in 40 carries this mutation. Due to the fact that I am 75% ashkenazi Jew, and I have breast cancer at a very young age, they are suggesting that I have the testing to just further define the course of treatment. There is a history of cancer in my family but it is completely unrelated to breast cancer. At any rate, the field of genetic counseling is fairly new and is at times inconclusive. However, if I do turn out to be a carrier, that means that we may consider some different options surgically speaking, like maybe a mastectomy instead, (since the probability of developing another cancer in the same breast would be high and it is harder to operate on radiated skin, which I was planning to have after the lumpectomy and radiation this November) and possibly the removal of the ovaries as well. I'm going to wait and talk to my Oncologist on Monday when I see him right before my next chemo treatment and ask him what he thinks. Meanwhile, I have spoken with a genetics counselor from City of Hope and she said she would help me get the ball rolling from a distance, since this kind of testing takes time to get the results back and is done in stages since each stage is more expensive than the prior one. So, after I talk with Dr. Dreisbach, we'll go from there.
Regarding surgery, most of the doctors present agreed with the suggestion to do the lumpectomy with radiation following, with the exception of one doctor suggesting bilateral (removal of both) mastectomy. I'm sticking with the lumpectomy idea unless the results of the BRCA discussion and testing lead me to think otherwise.
Overall, the results of the tumor board confirmed the confidence I already feel in Dr. Luke Dreisbach as my Oncologist. I thnk he is fantastic and would recommend him to treat anyone.

How can I help?

So many people have offered help. I have been completely Wowed by this. I'm amazed. Wow.
Glynis McIntyre is the person to contact. You can let her know what you feel like doing whether it has to do with meals, or house stuff, transportaion, or whatever. I also have a separate bank account that I've set up for medical expenses, and you are welcome to contribute to that if you feel so led. If you're at John Glenn Middle School, you can contact Ms. Lou also and she'll hook you up from there.

Glynis' contact information:
ToddGlynis@aol.com
760/345-3991

(Timeline)How did this all come about ?

Well, here is a timeline of events
(please don't hold the misspellings against me right now. I can't get my word document to interface with this...I'm a blogging nubie)

End of January - I found a lump and made an appointment to see my doctor. I just thought I had a fybroadenoma because my 90 year old grandmother has them as well as my mom and sister. They're just benign growths within the breast that can be removed or left alone. We also have dense breast tissue, so it's hard to even detect them. Becuase I know about our family history, cancer wasn't even something I was thinking about. My doctor thought the same, but asked me to get another mammogram (I had gotten a baseline mamo two years before due to the above family history).

April 4: Mammogram that revealed not only the lump but some microcalcifications (these are sites of calcium in the ducts of the breast that sometimes can be cancerous). So, they set me up for a biopsy

May 8(Mon): Biopsy of the lump and the microcalcifications

May 10 (Wed): Dr. Kerrigan called me to let me know that both sites were maglignant. I was tutoring kids after school at that time, and boy that was pretty shocking.

May 12 (Fri): I went for an MRI and it revealed two sites in the left breast that were suspect and a lump in my right axilla (armpit) that was 2 cm big. At this point we were wondering if it was anywhere else in the body. I also had a pelvic ultrasound to see if there was anything going on with the ovaries because there is a strong relationship between ovarian and breast cancer. Thankfully, that came out clean. I had a pap smear in April and that had come out clean as well. So, at this point we were concerned about the two others in the left and the right lymph node in the axilla possibly being positive.

Preliminary results came in from MRI and Rick Jervis called me since he works in the same office as Dr. Janet Kerrigan (hmmm. you think God arranged that?) and told me to come over for a chest x-ray right away. Because the sites in the left breast were close to the chest wall, he was concerned that perhaps there were sites in the lung. Thankfully, that came out to be clean. I am so grateful that God put Rick Jervis in my life!! He has been able to facilitate so much of this for me and advise as needed. Wow.

May 16: Went to see a local surgeon for a consultation. I won't put his name here. I was not comfortable with him at all.

May 17th: Eisenhower called me at 2:15pm asking me to come at 3pm for the biopsy of the sites that the MRI found, so I dashed out for that. The unfortunate part was that the biopsy was tricky because the sites in the left were so small, it was hard to find them with ultrasound. I wanted to be sure we had the right sites, so I asked for another MRI afteward to make sure that they biopsied the right places. Dr Lanskowski at the breast center and Belinda Zaparinuk were so fantastic. I felt so fortunate to be in their care. They gave me great advice and Belinda even let me drive my original MRI montage over to her house that night so they could compare the sites in the morning to make sure they got the right ones. That was a crazy day. I didn't really get home until 8pm.

May 18th (Thursday): I had a consultation with Dr. Peter Shulz at Eisenhower about surgical options. He was the first to suggest neo-adjuvant (pre-operative) chemotherapy. He leaned toward a mastectomy since the microcalcifications and the tumor were in different quadrants of the breast and he felt that breast conservation would not really be a viable option. In addition, he didn't feel comfortable doing only sentinel node biopsy since it's a newer technique, so he does both sentinel node and partial axillary dissection. There are drawbacks to having more nodes taken out of the armpit area. At the time, I wanted to find someone who did sentinel node biopsy becuase there are far fewer side effects to your arm. That meant that I needed to seek a surgeon out of the valley. However, at this time, we didn't have all of the information since the biopsy results from the axillary node hadn't come back yet. Dr. Shulz suggested that I see Dr. Dreisbach and get his input.

May 22 (Monday): PET scan. This is where your whole body is scanned for cancer. Your body is injected with a radioactive glucose that the cancer attracts and, voila, it shows up on the scan. I wasn't really hungry the night before and I wasn't allowed to eat anything before the scan. Without coffee, it was difficult...I had a raging headache at this point every day anyway, so I was happy to go eat something when it was all over.


May 23 (Tuesday): The "wet" read (initial take) from the MD on the PET scan said it came out looking really good and that only the axillary node on the right and the tumor and microcalcifications in the right were coming up cancerous. The spots on the left were clear-yay! One of the hardest things was going to tell my two dance classes that I couldn't participate and needed to take some time out, but that I would be back. It was hard becuase I was enjoying getting to know everyone and I was enjoying dancing so much. There were some younger girls in the class (even one former student) and it was hard to tell them because I was concerned about their reaction. I just told it in the most positive way possible, but the hard part was just the realization that this was now affecting my life and I had to let go of things that I loved to do.

May 24th (Wednesday): I met with Dr. Luke Dreisbach, oncologist and showed him all of my reports, etc. It just so happened that the results of the biomarkers came back on my very first biopsy may 8th and the timing was perfect. They need the biomarker results to determine course of treatment becuase there are some medications that can counteract Estrogen, for example, or something called Her2/Nu. As it turned out, Dr. Luke had received them before I did even though I was totally anal about calling and picking up copies of Cds and resports and mammograms and having everything all organized etc by date.....This was the pivotal point where I began to consider treatment right away and not waiting due to the agressive nature of the cancer, we needed to start killing it now, and worry about surgery later. Despite the fact that I had made appointments at UCSF, Stanford, and City of Hope, and I had called UCLA and had a name at USC, I talked to my family and that night decided to do it. I would give myself Thursday to get things in place and then treatment would begin Friday. So it did.

May 25th (Thursday): I arranged for a long term sub to come in after consulting with my colleagues and my Principal (I gave her a heads up about a week before about what was going on). That night, I had to tell Scotty Miller at church and my band, Surrender. That was hard, but it was also amazing becuase they were so supportive. My sister flew in and arrived really late so we went to bed around 12:00

May 26th (Friday): I taught the first class, then toward the end, pulled out the armour props that I borrowed from Tucker Pendleton and put on my helmet and shield and held up my sword and told the kids what was going on.
It was crazy. A day filled with innumerable hugs, cards, kind words, flowers. Wow. Wow. I couldn't even teach after the second class. We just hung out together. I had to take a break from hugging people so that my sister could make sure I ate lunch before we went to my first session of chemo. The outpouring at school was unbelievable and something I never even thought would happen. Wow.
So, then off to the appointment for chemo at Dr.Dreisbach's. Karen Pendleton was there with me along with my sister and it went well, I guess.

May 31st (Wed.):Went to City of Hope and met with Dr. Wagman, who is an oncological surgeon who has a specialty in breast and liver. He said we could do a lumpectomy, though they have to do a full axillary dissection because the node is positive and they have to see if any others are. The surgery would happen after my chemo is done (proabably November) and then I'll have radiation. I'll probably stay in LA for about two weeks with my aunt and uncle, and then just drive in for any follow up appointments.

June 12:
Chemo #2 Adriamycin/Cytoxan. My brother was here for this round and he was funny being my house boy...

June 27:
Chemo #3: Adriamycin/Cytoxan. This time my dad came down to help. It was harder physically, but I was also on some killer drugs that made me more out of it, too. BRCA testing has been ordered and it will take about 3 weeks befroe we know the results. Pray that they are negative :-)

June 6th:
Red blood counts are a little low so I'm feeling more fatigued, but that's fine. I'll bounce back, I know!

July 12:
Chemo #4: Last Adriamycin/Cytoxan-wahoo!! My mom is coming down for a more extended time. We may get out to Pasadena again.


What now?
I'll start a different chemo drug on July 27th-taxtiere, which has some different side effects but is not supposed to be as bad. Concurrently, I'll also start taking hercepting which will fight against the "cheerleader" oncogenes in the cancer cells. Yes!! that will be every three weeks for a year, but that has no side effects-yes! That sounds good to me! Inbetween treatments, I'll still go in for bloodwork to make sure that my counts are good. I'll also be receiving the results of the BRCA testing soon so that we can talk a little more about surgery and then I'll want to see a radiation oncologist and consult a surgeon again when I get an updated MRI that shows the current size of the tumor. That will determine whether I'm looking at mastectomy or llumpectomy. I'll want to talk to the radiation oncologist because I want to know what the effects of radiation will be.


Meanwhile, I'm still participating in worship on Saturdays and still endeavoring to sing and play with my band in Video Cafe as my stamina permits :-)

As to whether I'll go back to school in the fall, I'm leaning towards staying out until the surgery and everything is finished because I think that's probably best for the kids as well rather than starting the year and then having to be out due to surgery. It would be easier to have a clean transition for the sub and myself. Plus, second semester the material does get harder and I look forward to teaching that in a way that helps kids to access it. A sub should do fine with the bulk of the first semester material.

That's all for now,
Blessings,
Julie

My case is going to the tumor board on Monday 6/5

Rick Jervis called me on Thursday to let me know that my case is going to be discussed by the tumor board this coming Monday, which is great news. This is like a round table conference where they have doctors from oncology, radiation oncology, surgery, etc that discuss your case and course of treatment and make recommendations. It's so exciting for me becuase I know that planning as a team generally has a better outcome than planning solo, so when you can have several experts looking at your situation together, each with their own specialty, there is a likelihood of a greater outcome. So, I'm excited. I'm especially excited to hear what they have to say regarding surgery and their recommended procedure for that.
I feel so grateful for Dr. Luke Dreisbach who is a christian and is my oncologist. Wow. Again, just God's placing people with such expertise in valuable places who belong to Him.

Julie

A moment of unexpected encouragement

When I was driving around picking up all of my data and artifacts for the City of Hope visit, I had to go to Eisenhower to pick up my pathology slides. The lady who works there is named Edie. She was so kind to me on the phone and I was pretty much not expecting someone to be so helpful. She called me when the slides were ready and even managed to have them before I needed them. Anyway, I went to pick them up, and when I met her, she said "Actually, I know you becuase I used to usher on Saturday nights, and now I do that on Sundays. I've been praying for you." That was wow. It's just amazing to see how Jesus has His people in so many pivotal places, and you never know who you're going to meet and to whom they belong. What a huge blessing to know that she had been praying for me, knowing everything about my pathology from the beginning, before I told hardly anyone. Wow.
Praise God.

Trip to City of Hope this past Wednesday, 5/31

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share about my appointment at City of Hope this past week to let you know how it's going with surgery options after the chemotherapy is finished.
My mom and I drove to Pasadena on Tuesday night after bible study. By the way, I love the people in my new bible study. Wow.
Anyway, it was great to be with my AniSan and Uncle Ray. Their house has always been a refuge for me, from when I went to college, to my first corporate job, to everything inbetween. They're like a second set of parents to me, for whom I am so so grateful. So, we arrived late that night and I hardly slept.
The next morning it didn't take us very long to get to City of Hope (COH) since it's just east of Pasadena in Duarte. I had to hand over all of my files, reports, mammograms, ultrasounds, cd's of ultrasounds and pet scans, my pathology slides, etc. That made me nervous becuase I wanted to make sure I would actually see them again. My friend Karen told me about the horror of UCLA losing her slides so I was in hyper control mode at that moment.
<<>>
The people at COH are great. At first, one of the interns examined me and then Dr. Wagman came in to examine me and talk to me about surgery options. The following link shows how COH approaches treatment and surgery:
http://www.cityofhope.org/BreastCancer/Treatment.htm

The good news was that he saw no problem with doing a lumpectomy with radiation afterwards instead of a mastectomy. Yes!! This is what I wanted. When I initally saw Dr. Shulz here, he seemed to indicate that a mastectomy was probably going to be his plan, though that was before I saw Dr Luke (we'll see what he says at the tumor board now that i have mroe information).
Anyway, This was good news from Dr. Wagman becuase the lumpectomy procedure is more minor than a mastectomy and has the same statistical results in prognosis. Of course, either way, I'll have to have either 30 days or 6 weeks of chemotherapy. He seemed curious about the choice I had made to pursue neo-adjuvant chemotherapy (pre-operative chemo) instead of surgery first, since surgery first seems to generally be the standard practice according to him. He didn't seem to see a difference between neo-adjuvant and adjuvant (post operative chemo). HOwever, I feel realy good about the choice because it has several benefits: 1) The size of the tumors shrink in 80% of the women who do neo-adjuvant chemo so that makes the surgery more minor than it would otherwise be, 2) I'm killing the microscopic oncogenes right away rather than giving them an opportunity to spread while I'm looking at all of the surgical options, 3) A large scale study showed that neo-adjuvant chemo had a statistically significant effect on pre-menopausal women (that's me), 4) The dose dense treatment plan I'm on (just the first part is dose-dense) shortens the overall time in chemo.

In summary, I feel good about the treatment plan that i'm on, though Dr. Wagman questioned the use of tamoxifen down the line since my cancer isn't that estrogen sensitive and the personal cost of tamoxifen might outweigh it's benefit in my case. I'll have time to research and decide on that later, though. I just kind of looked at a timeline and it seems like surgery would happen around the end of November. I have to wait about a month between my last dose of chemo and the surgery according to Wagman. I might go back to Shulz based on what the tumor board says, but at the moment, I feel a lot more comfortable and confident with Dr. Wagman at the moment since he's done this so much. I mean, COH is a national cancer institute and they are doing progressive things there. I like that-to know that the latest options are available for surgery in my case makes me feel good about going there.
After the appointment my mom and I went out to lunch and I ate a LOT. My lunch plus some of hers and a salad and bread, too. Yay. I also bought a dress and a agreat scarf formy head so when I have those "I feel ugly" days, I can just put in on and feel feminine and pretty (okay maybe that's too much information). Mymom and i walked around old town Pasadena and she did some shopping.

When we came back to my aunt and uncle's house my uncle was there waiting for us and he gave me a huge hug and I about lost it. I was so tired and I just fell apart. I went upstairs, cried, and fell asleep and felt better. I think just the emotion of it all probably got to me, not to mention I hadn't slept the night before.

Thursday morning we got up and left to come back to the desert. I was able to take my car in to get some maintenance and then went to bed really early like i have been doing. I tend to poop out in the early evening, probably because I'm getting up so early. Oh well, each day is different.

My mom left today since I'm fairly self-sufficient right now. I'm so glad she was here, even though it was kind of rough at times relating. I guess you just never know what it's going to be like until you're in it, but I'm grateful for her help just cleaning, doing laundry, making smoothies, being there for input. That was great.

I'm looking forward to going to worship tomorrow :-)

Blessings,
Julie

Information about breast cancer and websites

Here are a few sites that can give you some info about what I'm doing. I'll add to this as I go along:

1) General information:
www.breastcancer.org

2) Information how neo-adjuvant chemotherapy affects breast cancer, and the advantages of pursuing this kind of treatment:
http://www.ucsf.edu/daybreak/1999/02/01_chemo.html

3) Awesome book that has evertyhing you'd want to know about breast health and breast cancer:
Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book by Dr. Susan Love, M.D.